With These Hands
by sinemoras09
Summary: Haji keeps his promise. Alternate end to the series. Dark. Angst. Warnings for character death. Spoilers for the end of the series.


_Author's note: alternate ending to the series. Warnings for character death and suicide.  
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"Saya!" Kai said. He broke into a sprint. "Saya, no!"

The knife plunged forward.

The babies weren't crying anymore.

xXx

.

It was raining when the rest of red shield came, collecting the remains and zipping them up into body bags.

She looked like she was still asleep. Kai's jaw tightened as the zipper closed over Saya's face, the blood drying on her body.

"What happened?" Julia asked. Kai shook his head.

"He killed her," Kai said. "She asked him to." He motioned toward Haji's body, which had been curled on top of Saya's. "Apparently she couldn't live with herself, killing the babies. She begged him. Said if he didn't do it, she'd do it herself." Kai's face pinched. He blinked fast, once, twice, before regaining control.

"He held her and the sword went through both of them at the same time."

"Shit," Julia said. Soldiers started running. Kai's eyes widened.

"He's still alive!" the soldier said. They hefted Haji's body forward, checking for a pulse.

xXx

.

The curtains to Haji's room moved slightly with the breeze, and Kai watched, yellow sunlight spilling inside and casting a warm glow on the bed and the furniture around them. Julia had hooked Haji up to a tele monitor and had transfused him with blood, but it seemed his form was not as fragile as they thought: he was already healing, the gash in his chest nothing more than a telltale scar.

"Hey," Kai said, and Haji looked up. There were dark circles under Haji's eyes and his hair fell in stringy pieces over his face. When Haji first woke up, he was so distraught at being alive it took five red shield soldiers to contain him. Pinning Haji down by the arms, they dragged him back to the bed while Haji howled, something inhuman and full of grief and rage, and Kai had never seen anything so painful.

But now things were quiet; the monitor blinked with Haji's heartbeat as a nurse moved and quietly recorded Haji's vitals from the monitor.

"How are you doing?" Kai said. He sat beside Haji's bed.

"I am fine," Haji said. His voice was low, and he had that same blank expression he always carried. Kai frowned, letting the nurse move and quietly fix Haji's IV.

"They buried her," Kai said, finally. He stared at his hands, which were folded on his lap. "They had a service yesterday."

The curtains moved. He could see motes of dust floating in the air.

"There was once, in Moscow, we had taken shelter in a cave. It was cold and Saya had asked me to hold her. Said it was too cold for her to sleep."

Kai looked up. Haji's eyes were unfocused, as if looking out at something far away. "I held her the entire night," Haji said. "I had never been so happy."

"She asked you to do it," Kai said. Haji closed his eyes.

"I know."

xXx

.

Even after Diva's death, there were still chiropterans.

Kai was there, armed with the other red shield members, when Haji suddenly burst forward and struck. Kai watched, dumbstruck, as Haji single-handedly killed each and every single one of them.

"That's how it is when you've got nothing to lose," the colonel said, and the soldiers trudged back, weary and beaten, as Haji fought their battles for them.

And every time, Haji would drag himself back with them, the cuts on his arms and face healing along with the bruises under his eyes.

"I know what you're doing," Kai said, and Haji stared back at him, face blank and nursing the gash on his shoulder. "You're trying to kill yourself," Kai said. Haji shook his head.

"That is not of your concern."

xXx

.

As it turned out, he tried to kill himself multiple times.

The first time, Daniel found him, searching for vials of Diva's blood before taking Saya's sword and plunging it through his neck; but the loss of blood made Haji lose consciousness, and by the time Daniel got to him, the gash had already healed.

The second time he had tried poisoning himself; the third time, he tried using Kai's gun.

xXx

.

When Saya asked Haji to kill her, she took the sword and placed it in Haji's hand.

"I can't," Saya said, and Kai knew she was too weak. A tear spilled down her face. "I can't live with myself like this."

Haji's hand tightened. Saya squeezed her eyes.

"Please," Saya said. Haji held her tight. He took the sword and pressed the tip against Saya's chest.

Another tear dripped. Saya smiled. "Thank you," Saya said.

The sword plunged forward, and in one swift movement went through Saya and Haji both.

xXx

.

Kai found Haji standing at Saya's grave. It was raining that night, and raindrops fell down Haji's cheeks like tears.

"I should not have listened to her," Haji said. Kai glanced up. He couldn't see Haji's eyes. "I thought it was what she wanted. But now I see she had a right to be happy." His eyes flicked upward, meeting Kai's.

"I could not make her happy," Haji said.

Kai said nothing. He stared at the grave, and at the small wreath of flowers at their feet. Kai thought of Vietnam and the entries in Joel's diary, how Haji had said he'd only shown her sorrow and pain.

"Julia says you're not taking blood," Kai said, finally. "You're getting weak. Even when you're fighting the others. Your injuries are taking longer to heal."

"Yes," Haji said. Kai watched as Haji stepped forward, stooping low and tracing the top of Saya's gravestone with the tips of his fingers.

xXx

.

It was raining the day Haji finally died. Kai found him lying in the middle of an alleyway, back against the dirty brick wall and a puddle of blood pooling around his feet.

It had been almost a year since Haji fed, and as a result his chiropteran powers were failing. Kai watched, horrified, as the wings to Haji's back cracked and tore, and the skin on his cheek seemed to split open.

"You're smiling," Kai said, and Haji slowly turned. "Why?"

Haji closed his eyes.

"Because she said she would forgive me," Haji said. His voice was cracking. His chest moved as if it hurt to breathe.

"Who?" Kai said.

"Saya," Haji said.

Kai's eyes widened. Haji smiled.

"She is waiting for me," Haji said, and he smiled. His skin began to crack, and Kai watched, dumbstruck, as Haji's body crumbled into ashes and floated silently into the air.

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><p><strong>AN: so I was thinking if Haji actually ever carried out Saya's promise, he'd kill her and then kill himself :( thank goodness in canon they get to have post-hibernation sex and cuddles. Poor Haji :( Gaa.**


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